I love a good argument.
There is almost nothing better than stretching your mind while engaged
in an open and honest discussion with someone who views things differently than
you do. It is most fun when engaged in
the so-called taboo subjects that are important in a big picture sort of way,
such as religion and politics. These
topics evoke deep emotion in people and make the challenge of intelligent and
honest discourse all the more interesting.
I have a very good friend who does not share my religious beliefs
or my political views. One might
describe the two of us as polar opposites – 180 degrees apart. The interesting thing about our relationship
is that, because of a lot of intellectually honest and intelligent discussion,
we seem to have influenced each other on certain matters to within 45 degrees
of the other. In other words, because we
are able to discuss very controversial and emotional issues that cut to the
very core of our belief systems in an
honest, unemotional and respectful manner, we have brought each other around a
little bit to the other’s way of thinking.
The two of us have compromised in the best sense of the
word, not falsely by claiming to be in agreement for the sake of keeping peace,
but having been truly moved to a new way of thinking about the issue. This is a wonderful experience. It is only possible if each of us open our
minds to the possibility that we may not be absolutely right about everything
all the time.
Having meaningful discussions requires openness, vulnerability,
respect and a true and pure willingness to contemplate the argument presented
by the “opposing party.” There can be no
sarcasm, no red herrings, no manipulation.
Raw honesty is required. This is
easy to do because there is no end game except enlightenment. There is no case to win or lose, there is
only the opportunity to become smarter – if not about the issue at hand, about
how your “opponent” thinks. Knowing how
another who thinks differently than you approaches and analyzes issues will
also make you smarter, as you experience a different way of thinking that will
help you down the line in other circumstances where there is an end game.
In the “real” world, it is not always easy to be so open and
honest about the way one thinks. As
lawyers, we negotiate to get our way. We
start way over here, hoping to end up over there. We've all played the game, each side makes
outrageous demands expecting the other side to do the same. So we adjust our demands based on the
expectations we have of where the other side wants to end up until eventually,
after the expenditure of many resources, we end up close to where each side
thinks they should be. Each side walks
away believing they got the short end of the deal, grumbling that the other
side acted unfairly, complaining about the cost and waste of time, but happy to
be done with the emotionally taxing process.
This scenario is played out every day across the world among lawyers,
car salesman, commodity vendors, politicians, parents and children, and so on. This is not the intellectually honest and
intelligent discourse of which I speak at the beginning of this column.
Acknowledging the difficulty of acting open minded in an
adversarial situation, I invite you as in-house counsel, to try a more open
approach with your clients. Say what you
are really thinking, be open to viewing the matter from the perspective of the
business person. Allow yourself to be
thoughtfully persuaded by the business to a different way of thinking. It might not change your legal advice, but it
will make you a better lawyer
